


Boy, you're out of this world

by DoomedTemperament



Category: Kuroko no Basuke | Kuroko's Basketball
Genre: Alternate Universe - Aliens, Crack Treated Seriously, Humor, Light Angst, M/M, Maybe - Freeform, To Be Continued
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-13
Updated: 2017-09-13
Packaged: 2018-12-27 08:27:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,402
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12077352
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DoomedTemperament/pseuds/DoomedTemperament
Summary: Kagami’s brain short-circuited for a moment, and he shook his head to clear his thoughts.“There’s an alien in my bedroom. An alien who speaks Japanese, can transform, has blue hair, and somehow knows my memories. In my bedroom. There’s an alien. Great.”---Entry for the KnB Discord AU Battle, Team Nacho Cheese. Genre: Fantasy, AU: Sci-Fi.





	Boy, you're out of this world

**Author's Note:**

> Ahuhuhu, I have no idea where I was going with this one. I might continue it after the team battle ends or if enough people like it? But for now, here's the bare bones of a weird-ass story.

_“No way.”_

Kagami stared at the ground- more specifically, the scorched sidewalk leading to his apartment that was now home to broken, charred bits of meteorite… and a small pile of cyan slime.

It was late at night on one fateful summer Saturday, and he had been watching the news- something about a meteor shower going on by the countryside. He was on the verge of falling asleep, so he wasn’t sure if he had hallucinated the sudden sound that came next- a screech, a crack, a splat, and then silence. But then, when he opened the window to look outside, he saw a faint glow on the sidewalk. Curious, he left the apartment to investigate, and sent a quick text to Himuro to let him know that something weird was going on, and that if he wound up dead the next day, Himuro could have his stuff. Which landed him where he was now.

Part of him was tempted to poke the weird glowing mass with a stick, but with his extensive knowledge of cheap TV thriller movies, he knew that doing so would be the dumbest thing to do. Like, ever. Just looking at it made his head hurt and his vision start to go fuzzy.

So instead, like the smart cookie he was, he ran inside, closed the door, and went to bed to pretend like nothing had ever happened.

But of course life could never be so simple.

At approximately five-thirty in the morning, he felt something cold touch his forehead. His eyes snapped open, and immediately, he was met with a pair of eyes wider than his own, filled with a light blue color.

“Hello, Kagami-kun.”

Kagami screamed in terror, backing away and falling off of his bed in the process, tangled in his blankets and shaking with anxiety. He closed his eyes again, wondering if he really would end up dead- there was an intruder in his house, damn it- and let out a hiss when the same cold whatever-it-was touched his forehead again.

“Hm, this isn’t going according to plan. Have I done something to offend you?”

It took several seconds for Kagami to realize that the intruder was addressing him- in a weirdly soft voice, might he add- and slowly, hesitantly, he opened his eyes again.

There was a boy (well, what looked like a boy) with the same light blue eyes and even lighter hair to match them, looking at him intently. The boy also had no clothes on.

Kagami furrowed his brows.

“Who are you, how do you know my name, and why aren’t you wearing anything?”

The boy backed away, and the cold sensation on Kagami’s head abruptly moved away. Oh, wait. It was the boy’s fingers. Whoops.

“My name is ▩▩▩▩▩▩, the mind meld, and I have no clothes.”

Kagami blinked once, twice, thrice.

“What was that weird noise that just came out of your mouth?” He asked, and the boy looked at him with confusion.

“What weird noise?”

Kagami pinched the bridge of his nose in frustration.

“The noise when you said what your name was. I don’t think that sort of sound is even possible to humanly make.”

“That’s because I’m not human.”

Kagami was more lost than he was when he had thought the other boy was an intruder, which he still technically was, so he tried to process things logically, step by step. If Himuro could hear him, he’d laugh.

“Okay, let’s try this again. What’s your name?” Kagami asked.

“My name is ▩▩▩▩▩▩” The other male said, looking somewhat exasperated.

“Uh. Repeat that.”

“▩▩▩▩▩▩”

“...Yeah, okay, I have no idea what that is,” Kagami said eventually. “Let’s move onto the next question. How did you know my name?”

“I knew your name through the mind meld.”

“The what now?”

The boy(?) sighed, like Kagami was stupid (which, okay, he _might have been_ at times, but this was just weird) and looked at him, not even blinking. Kagami felt sort of dizzy.

“The mind meld. When you first saw me, you picked up on my communication waves. We appear to share a similar neural structure, so I decided to look through what you humans call your ‘mind’ to get a better grasp on what to base my form off of. This includes your memory,” The boy explained, as if it made perfect fucking sense. “Though it appears that your brain isn’t quite advanced as mine, so the transmission didn’t go both ways, unfortunately.”

Kagami frowned and looked away.

“Are you calling me an idiot?”

“That’s what you got out of my answer?” The other boy laughed lightly, smiling. Kagami wasn’t sure what to make of it.

“Okay, so… freaky mind shit, got it. Why are you naked?”

“Did you see me wearing clothes when we met?”

Kagami almost answered, when it finally hit him.

“You’re that weird goo thing that I saw outside.”

“To put it simply, yes.”

Kagami’s brain short-circuited for a moment, and he shook his head to clear his thoughts.

“There’s an alien in my bedroom. An alien who speaks Japanese, can transform, has blue hair, and somehow knows my memories. In my bedroom. There’s an alien. Great.”

The boy hummed, and said, “You’re being rather redundant. And I don’t particularly like being called an ‘alien’, it’s a human word that oversimplifies my being. Please call me an extraterrestrial.”

“Fine,” Kagami said, rubbing his temples, “I have an _extraterrestrial_ in my bedroom. Please put on clothes.”

With a nod, the boy rifled through Kagami’s dressers and pulled out a shirt and some old sweatpants, pulling the drawstring as tight as it could go and trying not to drown in the cotton of his tee. Kagami felt deeply uncomfortable with the fact that the alien knew where everything was. 

Mind meld. What a load.

Once the… whatever-it-was got dressed, Kagami took a better look at him. It was much easier to see what the humanoid… thing… looked like when Kagami wasn’t cowering (though he’d never admit that he’d cowered.) His hair was longer than Kagami’s, but not overly-so. He was shorter than Kagami too, by quite a margin, but he wasn’t frail. If Kagami ignored the fact that he wasn’t human, he might have thought--

“I’ve specifically formed myself to seem most appealing to you,” The blue-haired something said.

“You _what?_ "

“When I went through your memories, I filtered through which type of human form would look nonthreatening and attractive, in the hopes that I wouldn’t scare you. I apparently failed at that.”

“Yeah,” Kagami deadpanned, “No shit.”

“This really isn’t conducive to my mission,” The alien deadpanned in response, earning Kagami’s attention.

“What is your mission then?”

“My planet is vastly different from yours; While I say we are more advanced, that is usually only in the terms of evolution and not in culture. I’ve been sent to do… let’s call it… research. I’m supposed to be a representative of this part of Earth. I’ll study your lifestyle, take in information, and present my knowledge when I return.”

“When do you return?” Kagami asked, and the alien looked away.

“When you- that is, when all of the chosen research subjects… die.”

The atmosphere suddenly went chilly, and Kagami wasn’t sure which was worse- the fact that he now had an otherworldly life form attached to him for the rest of his life, or that his life was so small in the grand scheme of things that he could be nothing more than a single piece of information.

“If it’s any consolation,” The alien continued, sensing Kagami’s distress, “You’ll be contributing to something larger than yourself. And you can be assured that I won’t leave your side while I stay.”

That wasn’t really comforting.

The alien tried again.

“If there’s anything I can do to help-”

“Save it,” Kagami said suddenly, reaching a conclusion, “If you’re gonna be stuck with me for the rest of my life, we’d damn well make sure that it’s a good one.”

The alien smiled, and said, “That’s the spirit.”

“Now,” Kagami added, “Once I can actually think of a _human_ name for you to be called, I can introduce you the greatest human pastime ever: basketball.”

The alien hummed, and looked around. As the moon slowly gave way to the sun, the alien observed the shadows moving across the room, fading and flickering ever so slowly.

“You can call me… Kuroko.”

**Author's Note:**

> doomedtemperament.tumblr.com is the place to find me (but you already knew that, didn't you?)


End file.
